Let a Man be a Man

First written June 1, 2014 by Zakiya Jackson

One time while living in Hotlanta I got my hair did by someone I hadn’t seen be before. He asked how I wanted it styled and I told him to do my retouch and then style it whatever way he wanted. He got excited about this and said, “Yeah! Alrite. Let a man be a man.”

This really humored me. That wasn’t my objective, but I figured he’s the professional, if he really knew what he was doing he should be able to hook me up. It didn’t need to be perfect, it just needed it to look good.

I think he was excited because I let him do his thing. And I did look great ya’ll! Alas, the greatness succumbed to the Georgia humidity but we can hardly blame that on him.

Years later I reflect on this in several contexts.

I’ve been out with a few guys in the last year who have really impressed me with the desire to tell them — bro- hey, just be you. I want to let you be a man — I don’t wanna step on your turf. One of them was in grad school and seemed to think that I thought I was too good to date a student. Ha! Nah. I told him I was disappointed because I know about that life, but that I got no qualms with a man bettering himself through education. The grad school grind just doesn’t generally leave a heck of a lot of time for pleasantries, especially with someone who isn’t a fellow grad student, in the same program. He said as much.

The other guy was this real cool cat who for some reason just thought he didn’t bring enough to the table. I was like really?

I thought he had more than enough to offer but off he went, apparently to increase his competitive value. 🙂 Oh well.

For both of these guys, I wished they had whatever they needed in order to just be free. You know to treat me well, but also to just be able to be themselves, be a man with what they have in the present moment and be cool with it. I’m not hatin though… cause I also understand that…freedom ain’t free.

Of course maybe they also just weren’t feelin’ me and felt some sort of need to hide that. Lol. I didn’t write the book on this stuff so Lord knows I’m just out there doing the best I can. : ) #kanyeshrug

Beyond better dating excursions, however, there is something greater I wish for so deeply.

I really wish we could just let a man be a man in America. Can a Black Man just be a Black Man? Can he just be a man? Does he have to look a certain way at all times to be respected? Does he have to get it all right, all the time?

I hurt for my brothas.

I want them to be able to have safety nets, to make mistakes and recover without undue punishment, to be respected for all they bring to the table. Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in!

So…in the meantime, I’m living to change this world.

When I say let a man be a man, I don’t mean let him be wreckless and treat people any kind of way and do whatever he wants at all times. I mean acknowledge him as valuable, as important, as having qualities we appreciate in him as a man. And let him do his thing. If he’s unhealthy, harmful, whatever, check him — but even in checking him you can do it in a way that still allows him to be a man. That’s how this works. I know that sometimes men do bad, harmful things and call it “just being a man.” I’m not talking about that ish. That’s ridiculous and it’s B.S. and it makes it A LOT harder for all of us.

So, one small effort in the pursuit to just let Black Men just be is my attempt to help rewrite the narrative on brothas. Here at Collected Young Minds we will launch a series soon called #BlackMenRock.

We’ll be looking for contributors on an ongoing basis so please hit me up if you’re interested at zjackson@collectedyoungminds.org. More info to come.

To my Brothas, I love you, and well, you’re the Man.

To Everyone Else, let a man be a man.

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