What to Do When Too Much is Not Enough

One thing I am very good at doing is pushing myself to do more. What I am not so good at is knowing when to stop.

Cut down on snacks? I’ll skip lunch, too.

Finished my to-do list? I’m sure there’s something else I can do.

Wrote 1000 words? I’ll just keep going.

For many of us, it is close to impossible to end the day feeling like we have done enough unless we end up burning the midnight oil into the early morning hours of the next day doing more, or thinking about doing more.

And then we find ourselves in another day that pins us against a wall of meetings, a mountain of must do memos, a boulder of projects to push up a hill — you get the idea.

At some point, you will either collapse or, if you still want to have a life you love, you will square your shoulders, lift your chin and say, “Enough!”

We live in a world that preaches good enough is not enough. We have to do more to be more. We are reminded of this 24/7 and that for every minute we are not killing ourselves to achieve, someone else is.

About 5 years ago, I tried to figure out a way to write a book, take care of my family and show up every day to a big and demanding job. I found it impossible to check the last thing off of a list and feel done. No matter how much I did, I wasn’t seeing the results I wanted. I was becoming more frustrated, unhappy and no fun to be around. Why? Because I didn’t believe that anything less than too much would be good enough.

If I cut back on anything or did less of what I was currently obsessed with doing, I felt my day was unforgivably underutilized. That I was not doing my part in the universe. But doing more did not make things better. It slowly dawned on me that I drank the wrong Koolaid. This was a losing game that I believed I had a shot at winning.

This is still something I wrestle with on a daily basis. Right now, I am writing a book proposal. I try to be home for dinner and spend time with my family. Every day, I show up at work. I keep fighting the urge to keep doing more. But I move along and do whatever I can do each day. What is different in my life from 5 years ago is that today I am good with good enough.

Here’s what works for me:

I am grateful to have a life overflowing with projects, dreams and goals elbowing themselves into my every day. A short list of just 2 or 3 things makes it easy for me to finish something each day. It helps me to keep my boundaries in sight and puts me in a better headspace to get my work done.

If you are working on a project, there are probably a million logistical details that you have to think about and take care of. Break the daunting task of a big project into more manageable pieces and give yourself a short list of smaller tasks to complete each day.

A habit that works really well for me is taking the time to write down what I want to do before I go to bed. I always include spending time with my family and friends on my list. Every item on my list ensures it happens and allows me to stop overthinking. When I know what I am going to do before I nod off, I sleep better.

When I don’t warm up or exercise, I feel less energetic, less confident and less able to focus. Daily workouts for me can be a long morning walk or a yoga class. You need physical strength to sustain your mental discipline so make time in your day, preferably in the morning, to wake up your body with some physical exercise.

Taking deep breaths is good for you. It calms your busy brain and allows you to be mindful about experiencing life. In the last months of my younger sister’s battle with lung cancer, the simple act of breathing deeply and easily was not hers to enjoy, slowly robbing her of the fullness of her life. I no longer take this lightly and I put myself completely into every breath, every moment, everything I do.

You are doing just fine. You are making a tremendous difference in every moment you enter with integrity and purpose. I find starting off with a list of things to do keeps me from overthinking. If the end result does not manifest itself punctually at the end of your day, it does not mean you cannot check that item off your list and fistbump your fabulousness. Take some time to look back at what you did and thank yourself. You will feel better about yourself. All of you overachievers who underappreciate yourselves — I am talking to you!

You will always be tempted to just keep going. But if you know what enough is for you, you will be much happier and more productive.

If you let yourself feel good about what you have done in your day, you will always have more than enough.

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