My Opinion About Spanking

Although I am not ready yet, I do hope to have kids in my future. Parenting, from what I have seen and from what I continue to learn, seems next to impossible. How am I supposed to fulfill everything that a parent must fulfill for their child? How am I supposed to make sure I raise my child decently and go beyond simply helping them survive? I know that when I have a kid I will be able to do all this and much more, but it seems like (and I’m sure it is) such a challenge.

Thinking about having a kid in my future at first seems dream-like. What baby names do I like, what cute pregnancy pictures will I take, etc. There is a lot of wonderful, fun, and exciting things to think about as you prepare for a child. There are also a lot of very hard questions to consider. What routines will I set for my child? What activities will I let my child engage in? When it comes to misbehavior, how will I teach my child what is right? A big question I consider is “Will I choose to, or choose not to, spank my child?

As a child I know that I was spanked (or rather I was told that I was). My mom told me that she spanked me more than my older siblings. However I don’t actually recall any of this. If anything, the discipline I do remember most was when I was asked to sit in my room with the door shut. I also remember kicking the walls and picking at the paint on my bedroom wall. I was quite “naughty” there for a bit. Again, spanking was not the discipline I recalled. However, I was spanked, and I turned out fine. I am not violent or scarred from this discipline. Once again, when I decide to become a parent I need to consider what discipline techniques I would allow to use with my children.

Many people often think that spanking is a valid technique to control or put an end to misbehavior. Mindsets that I have shared such as “I was spanked and turned out fine” is yet another reason why some believe spanking their child is okay. I do have a really hard time getting on board with the idea that it is okay to hit your child. The idea that spanking will give the child a “shock factor” to end the misbehavior seems wrong. This “shock factor” to me seems more like pain and fear. Neither of these are what I would like to send to my child.

Many others have found more reasons for why spanking should not be someone’s discipline of choice. Smith (2006) discusses how physical punishment is associated with negative outcomes such as “increased child aggression, antisocial behavior, lower intellectual achievement, poorer quality of parent–child relationships, mental health problems (such as depression), and diminished moral internalisation” (Smith, 2006, p. 114). This alone provides me with plenty of reasons as to why I should not hit my child. McKay et al. (n.d.) mentions that it should be pretty clear that techniques of discipline such as hitting is a disrespectful way to deal with a human being (McKay, n.d.). Kids also learn by modeling others so if they are seeing rude, harmful behaviors from their parent it wouldn’t be a surprise if they thought hitting was an effective way to deal with something (McKay, n.d.).

There are many reasons why spanking is not a very good choice for disciplining your child. So what are some other ways that we can discipline without putting the safety and trust of the parent-child relationship at risk? Here are just a few:

Overall it is important to use other tools in our toolbox of discipline techniques. Discipline choices should strive to maintain a positive parent-child relationship and should provide mutual respect for the dyad. Punishment should be directly related to the misbehavior. Instead of changing the child, change the context. Discipline should strive to teach your child, not cause them physical pain. When I have my child, I will strive to use different tools in my toolbox when I need to discipline. What about you?

Here are some questions to consider:

References

McKay et al. Respectful Discipline and Life Skills via canvas course site

Smith, A. B. (2006). The state of research on the effects of physical punishment. Social Policy Journal of New Zealand, (27), 114–127.

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